Trains
by Clair Lawson
Summary: Life can change in an instant, but it's not always for the better. I thought I knew what I wanted but after that night, I knew nothing would be the same for me. I was left with one question. How was I going to tell Sodapop?
1. Trains

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in the Outsiders. :)

**Chapter One**

There was something kinda soothing about the way the trains passed by our house every night- regular as clockwork. I remember when we first moved in; I thought I would never get used to the constant pounding of the wheels against the tracks or the way the house would shake with every car that flew by. I used to be terrified that the walls would collapse in on me. I cried for weeks, sitting under my sheets with my knees pulled tight to my chest. I didn't tell anyone how scared I was. Looking back, it all seems so silly. I thought I was being brave-sitting up at night-facing my demons alone. Now that I think about it, I don't remember when I stopped being scared. It just happened. And then I couldn't sleep without any of it. The shrieking whistle and the pounding of the wheels filled the whole house and I loved it. It reminded me that something in my life was still stable. The trains always came-always. And when they did, I didn't have to think about everything else. The house shook and the noise surrounded me and I just sat there. I didn't think about who I was or who I was supposed to be. I just sat there and didn't think about anything.

I tried to explain how that felt once and all I got was a black eye.

My dad didn't understand-he never did. He said that I thought too much. I think it scared him. I know it made him angry. He said that no man would marry a girl like me-a "thinking" girl. Men wanted fools, he always said. But I couldn't help it. I saw the way my friends acted. The way they caked makeup on their faces and showed off their bodies. The boys flew to them like flies to honey, but they never stayed for long. They went to jail or they got bored, I don't know.

You see, where I grew up, your whole destiny was decided the second you were born. It all depended on the street where you lived. The west side of Tulsa was nice and you had a chance if you lived there. A chance to get out of Oklahoma and make something of yourself. A chance that I knew I'd never get. I was a Greaser. I was from the east side and I'd stay on the east side until I died. All my friends and I were branded as hoods. To the rest of the world, we were just people who didn't have anything to offer except a mile long rap sheet or a string of abandoned kids. Sometimes life just didn't seem fair. I couldn't accept it the same way my best friend, Evie, did. And I sure couldn't enjoy it like Sodapop Curtis.

He loved his life though I couldn't see how. He just worked at an old gas station. He didn't even go to high school anymore-he dropped out to help Darry pay the bills after their parents died. But he never looked for anything better. He was happy working a dead end job. He was happy getting into rumbles with Socs. He was happy about everything. His little brother, Ponyboy, told me that Soda was one of those people that didn't need alcohol to get drunk, he just got drunk off living. Ponyboy's the smartest kid I know.

Sometimes I hated the way that Evie could joke about being a Greaser. Sometimes I hated Soda when he told me that he thought he would stay at the gas station forever. Sometimes I hated myself for not being content living the way I did. Because nothing I felt would change anything. I didn't have a chance to do anything with my life. I wasn't going places. If I could have been content, maybe I would have been happy, in my own way. Maybe I wouldn't feel that pain right below my heart, aching for the places that I knew I'd never see and the life I knew I'd never have. Life wasn't fair. Sometimes, I just wished I could die.

But you should be careful what you wish for.


	2. I'm a Greaser

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders. **

**Chapter Two**

I guess it all started about a year and a half ago. I know it sounds cliche but that day seemed like any other day. It was so normal that if you had told me what was going to happen, I'd never have believed you. In a way, I'm glad it all happened. It gave me a chance to prove to myself what kind of person I really am. I found out who my friends are. I've found out a lot about the world. Sometimes I think I know too much now and I wish I could go back to that morning, when everything was fine. I thought I knew so much but I really didn't. I didn't know anything about how life was, how people really were, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start back at the beginning.

Like I said, it started out like a normal day. The sun peeked into my room through the holes in my moth-eaten curtains. They used to be pink but years of sun and dirt had turned them a dusty brown color. I sighed and turned on my side to look at my alarm clock. It was only 5:45. The sun seemed to get up a lot earlier than it used to. I had fifteen minutes to myself before I had to wake up Dad. Maybe I'd make him breakfast and head to the Curtis' a little early. One of them would be awake. Probably Darry. He hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately. I thought about how it wasn't fair and I remembered how Darry was in high school. He had his whole life in front of him-he didn't have a care in the world. All he wanted to do was play football. He was good too. Soda said he got scholarships from all over to play in college. He had the chance to get out of Tulsa and really make something of himself. I know his parents pushed him to really think about going to college somewhere up north. He was so much like Sodapop back then. He wasn't reckless-Darry never did anything without thinking it through-but he was happy and you could see it when he smiled. He didn't have any responsibilities. The only thing he was expected to do was play football, just like most teenage boys. But all that was before the accident.

It was a turning point in all of our lives, but especially the Curtis'. It's like they were all part of a coming-of-age story and Darry had to make the leap from kid to adult in an instant-completely alone. I don't know how he did it. He didn't have anyone to go to. Mr. and Mrs. Curtis were the best parents any of us had ever met. We all went to them with our problems. They knew exactly what to say to fix anything and they left their door open to everyone. They were two of the most loving people I knew. When they died, Darry was left to fill their shoes. I know it really weighed him down. He didn't think he would ever measure up to who they were. It killed him when Soda dropped out of high school. He wanted Soda and Ponyboy to be able to make something of themselves. He asked me a million times to convince Soda to go back but we both knew that I couldn't do that. Darry needed his help, whether he wanted to admit it or not. Sometimes I really wished it didn't have to be that way.

Anyway, I sat up in my bed slowly and swung my feet over the edge. My feet hit the cool floor and I closed my eyes. Why did I have to think all of the time? I was so tired of thinking. Why couldn't I just be like Two-Bit? He never had anything on his mind. Probably because he was too busy cleaning out drug stores and getting drunk out of his mind. I could count on one hand the times I had seen Two-Bit sober. He could be real smart too, if he would just work. I shook my head, opened my eyes and stood up. I looked back at the alarm clock. I had seven minutes to get ready, make some eggs and head out for the Curtis house before Dad woke up. I couldn't forget to write him a note too, or I'd be dead when I got home.

Five minutes later, I was halfway down the block-breakfast made, note written, hair done. It was about a ten minute walk to Soda's place. Too much free time to think, in my opinion, even though it wasn't a quiet walk. The east side of Tulsa never really slept. There was always something going on. A party or two raged on almost every street. The sirens never stopped. The police were always out, breaking up a rumble or picking up some poor kid who had OD'd on some drug or another. I couldn't understand drugs. Two-Bit said that kids used them to forget about life. He said it brought them to a place where they could just pretend that the world didn't exist. I told him he was an idiot and I still couldn't understand.

A small group of men walked toward me down the sidewalk. I looked down, held my breath and watched my feet hit the pavement. Left, right, left, right. I didn't relax until they passed me. I let my breath out slowly and looked ahead of me. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. Anything could happen on the streets. I knew at least six girls personally who could prove that.

I started to hum my favorite song, Dream Lover, by Bobby Darin. It was kinda sappy, but I didn't care. It reminded me of Sodapop. Bobby Darin was my mom's favorite singer, at least I think he was, I don't know much about Mom. But we had at least fifteen Bobby Darin records-more than any other artist. I listened to them every day after school. Bobby Darin was my favorite singer because he got over where he came from. He was born in a tough neighborhood in New York, a whole lot tougher than Tulsa. But he didn't let that stop him. He had a dream, followed it and he became famous. I didn't want to be famous, I'd leave that to Soda. I just wanted out. I wanted space. I craved freedom.

"I want a dream lover, so I don't have to dream alone." I sang softly.

"You talking about me, sweetheart?" A gravelly voice sounded in my ear. I swung my elbow back with as much force as I could but a hand grabbed it and stopped me. "Glory, Sandy! Calm down." I looked back and saw Two-Bit Mathews standing behind me with a glass bottle in a paper bag. He was getting too good at impressions. He had sounded for all the world like Dallas Winston.

Two-Bit was grinning like an idiot.

"I wish you could have seen your face!" He hooted.

"Hush up, Two-Bit." I said. "Do you want the whole neighborhood out here, looking to kill you?" I had seen it happen once. Soda's best friend, Steve Randle had been beyond drunk. He was running ahead of Soda and I, dragging Evie behind him. He was screaming and hollering and even singing and Evie's laugh was louder than all of it. Soda called out to them, telling them that they'd better be quiet or someone was going to call the cops and they'd all get in trouble. Steve just laughed and shouted something about how no one would call the cops because they "knew what was good for them." His voice echoed through the street. Evie's laughter was still wailing and a man came out of his door with a gun. He pointed it right at Steve and spoke steadily.

"We're all too smart for the cops around here." He said. "Why should I wait for them when I can take care of you myself? Now shut your mouth and move on down the street, son." I was sure the man was going to pull the trigger and I prayed that Steve would just walk away without doing anything stupid. Evie had finally stopped laughing. Steve looked to Sodapop. I watched Soda shake his head and Steve started to walk away. Evie followed him. The man still stood on his front porch. When Soda and I passed by him, Soda tipped his baseball cap.

"Sorry about my friend, sir." He said with a soft drawl. "I'll make sure he doesn't bother you again."The man looked a little taken aback but he nodded and mumbled a thanks to Soda before going back into his house. Soda had that affect on people. He could talk anyone into or out of doing anything. He had a quiet, persuasive voice. It fit him. Ponyboy told me that he thought Soda looked movie star. I agreed with him.

Two-Bit laughed again. But it was a little quieter than before.

"What are you doing out here so late anyway?" I asked him. Two-Bit shrugged. He played with his beer cap for a few seconds. His eyes clouded and he tensed his jaw.

"Just didn't feel like going home, I guess." He said. He didn't look at me and he threw his bottle cap against the ground angrily. Then he took a long drink from his bottle. When he finished, he looked a little happier. "The real question is, what are you doing out here so early without your bodyguard?" He always called Soda my bodyguard. I couldn't figure it out. I guess it was because we were together as much as we could be. I was with him all of the time, execpt when I was at school and when he was working.

"I decided to leave before my dad got up. I didn't think it would be this busy at six o'clock in the morning." I said.

"Man, you're starting to sound like Pony." He said. "He starts out every other sentence with the words, I didn't think." Soda talked to me about that. He said it was tearing Ponyboy and Darry apart. I knew it was eating him alive inside. Soda loved his brothers more than anyone in the world. He hated it when they fought. I knew it was even harder without his parents there. The boys only had each other and Soda couldn't bear to think of losing either one of them. I gave Two-Bit a little laugh.

"You tell Soda and Superman I say hello, okay?" He said. "I'm gonna go home and put on a new shirt or something. Tell Pony I'll see him at school." I nodded and smiled. Two-Bit put his hand on my shoulder before he turned down his street and walked away. I looked up. I was only two streets from the Curtis house.

I loved the Curtis house. I loved the way the doorbell stopped halfway through ringing. I loved the way the screen door squeaked when it opened and the way the front room always smelled like chocolate cake. But what I loved most was the love that was there. The Curtis brothers loved each other. They would give anything for each other. They would kill for each other. I don't think they knew how lucky they were to have a love like that.

I walked up their front steps quickly, trying to avoid the creaky spots and knocked softly on the doorframe. I hoped Darry was already awake and sitting in their father's old chair in the living room. I heard footsteps come up to the door. Ponyboy swung the screen door open and ushered me in. I looked around but I didn't see Darry anywhere. I glanced at Pony. His eyes were a little red.

"Are you okay, Ponyboy?" I asked. "What are you doing up so early?" I went to sit on the couch. Ponyboy sat down across from me in his dad's chair. He searched my face for a few minutes. I felt like he was deciding what he could trust me with. Ponyboy was probably the most thoughtful person I'd ever met. He was real smart. I hardly ever saw him without a book. He knew how things worked in our side too and he wasn't satisfied with it either. I also knew that he'd find some way to change his life. He was too smart, too good for the life he was given. I smiled at him and he gave a weak smile back before he let out a long breath.

"I just didn't sleep well." He said and I felt like I had failed some kind of test. I thought I knew Pony well enough for him to trust me. I had been Soda's girl for almost two years and I had grown up with the Curtis brothers. It hurt that Pony thought he couldn't trust me with something. After a few minutes of silence, I could tell that Ponyboy was starting to feel uncomfortable so I decided to change the subject.

"I'm sorry for coming over so early." I said. I saw Pony relax a little.

"It's all right, Sandy." He said. "Our door's always open. Do you want to help me make breakfast before Darry and Soda get up for work?" I smiled.

"Of course." I said. "What did you have in mind?" Ponyboy stood up and I followed.

"Chocolate cake." He said with a grin the size of Oklahoma. All I could do was laugh.

We talked as we made the cake. I asked him how school was going. He told me it was going pretty good except for his science class, he said he was more of an English person.

"What kind of English person?" I asked. Ponyboy was the only person I knew who really liked reading. He looked up at me sheepishly. He had flour smeared across the bridge of his nose.

"I really like to write." He said. "But I don't think I'm any good." I waved the wooden spoon that I held in the air.

"Ah-hah!" I exclaimed. "Ponyboy Curtis, the writer!" He started to blush and I felt bad for embarrassing him. "I think that's great, Pony. Really. Don't settle for life here. You're too good for this! You can do great things, I know you can! You're different from the people around you. You wouldn't be happy working some dead end job, doing the same thing every day" Pony stopped beating the eggs. I blushed. I hadn't meant to sound so angry but it wouldn't be fair for him to be stuck in some dead beat town after his brothers worked so hard to give him something better. I just wanted him to know that he was better than the east side of Tulsa, Oklahoma. My face felt hot and I started mixing the cake batter again.

"I've never heard you talk like that, Sandy." He said. He looked at me like he was deciding if he could trust me again. I was about to shrug when someone else came into the kitchen.

It was Sodapop. I started to smile.

"I've never heard you talk like that either." He said softly. He sounded upset. "Do you think I'm not good enough because I like working at the gas station? Do you think I'm settling?" My smile dropped.


	3. It's Just Not Fair

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. **

**A/N: Hey y'all. I hope you like the story so far. Enjoy the next chapter and don't be shy leaving your thoughts! Have a fantastic day! **

**Chapter Three**

I stared at Soda for a long time. I wasn't sure what to say to him. Of course I didn't think he was settling! Did I? I mean, I knew he was happy working his job but was the gas station the best he could do? He always told me he didn't have a brain like Ponyboy. I never believed him. Soda could do anything he wanted to. He could be anything. He had such a way with people. Everyone loved him and his manners and charm. He was the most happy-go-lucky person I knew. Soda could do so much better than the old DX. Glory! I did think he was settling. I looked into his eyes. They were a rich brown and usually they were warm but now they just looked hurt. I felt an ache right below my heart. I took a step toward him.

"Of course not, Soda!" I said desparately. "I know that you're happy where you are and that's enough for me." He opened his mouth. I could tell he didn't believe me. Why couldn't it be enough for me that he was happy? It was all so simple to him. He was a greaser. That is who he was. He didn't look for anything else because he already knew who he was and what he was supposed to do with his life. Soda knew who he was and he was happy with it. I knew that. So why wasn't it enough for me? Soda shook his head. He had always been able to tell what I was thinking.

"But it ain't enough for you, Sandy." He said. "It never has been." I raised my hand in protest. I wanted it to be enough more than anything in the world. "I've always known who I am and what I can do. I'm not smart like Darry or Ponyboy. I don't have anything going for me. This is my life, Sandy. I work at the gas station. I love what I do! I love working with my hands. I feel like I put in a good day's work and at the end of every day, I love that feeling! I'm happy where I am. I'm happy with who I am. I ain't no Soc, all right? I'm a greaser. I'm from the east side of Tulsa and I rob stores and get into rumbles. I wear my hair long and I comb it back. My shoes have holes in the bottom of them and my jeans are worn through in some places. I am hated by the middle class and the rich kids for the way I look. That is who I am! And I am happy! Why can't that be enough for you? Why isn't that enough for anybody?" His voice broke. I could feel tears come to my eyes.

"Glory, I want it to be enough." I said. "I want it to be enough. I don't know why it's not." A tear spilled onto my face. "But I'm not like you. I don't know how you're happy. Because I'm not. I hate every person who walks by me and judges me by my clothes, by my friends or by where I live. I hate thinking that I'll never be able to go anywhere with my life. I hate everyone who tells me who I have to be! I'm not happy! I wish I could be. But I just can't." I saw Ponyboy in the corner of my eye. He was still holding a bowl, beating the eggs violently. "I only said the things I did because we both know that Pony won't be happy at a gas station like you or working all day long roofing houses like Darry! I just wanted him to know that he can fight to do what will make him happy. He doesn't have to settle for something that will make him miserable."

Soda walked toward me and grabbed my arm gently. His eyes had softened a little.

"Why can't you see that I'm not settling because this is what makes me happy?" He asked.

"How?" I responded. "How can you be happy?" Soda smiled.

"I have everything I want." He said. "I have a roof over my head. I have food. Heck, my little brother loves me enough to make chocolate cake for breakfast. My older brother works all day long to let us know that he cares about us. I have the best friends in the world, the prettiest girl I've ever known and I love her. I love my life! I don't need a fancy house or an office job and a college education to be happy. I wish I could make you see that." I felt another tear fall down. I loved Soda so much. That was how all of our arguments ended. He always knew what to say to make everything better, almost. I smiled.

"You're crazy." I said. Soda looked puzzled for a few seconds before he realized that I was joking. Ponyboy shook his head.

"You're both nuts." He said. Soda pulled me into a quick hug.

"You'd better watch out, little brother, it runs in the family." He said when he let me go. I let out a deep breath and walked over to the cake batter.

"I think those eggs are ready, Ponyboy." I said and we all laughed and finished making the chocolate cake.

Mrs. Curtis made the best chocolate cake. The boys tried their best to follow her recipe, but the cake never tasted the same as hers. I missed her chocolate cake. I missed her. Sodapop was so much like her. They had the same eyes and hair but it was more than that. They both loved people. Mrs. Curtis was the most selfless and giving person I had ever met. She would listen to me, no matter the time, no matter what she was doing. She always had time to help other people. And she always knew what to do. Before she died, Pony and Darry never fought, Soda and I never argued, Johnny was braver, Dally wasn't as angry, Two-Bit thought about going to college, Steve never thought about running away. We couldn't get along without her. Or her chocolate cake.

I looked down at my empty plate. There was something missing but I knew I would never figure out what it was. Soda was sitting next to me. He had changed into his DX shirt but he was still barefoot. He hated wearing shoes. He always put them on at the last second. It made me laugh. Darry had finally come out into the kitchen. He seemed surprised to be the last one up. He looked exhausted.

"You get all your homework done?" He asked Ponyboy across the table. I could see Pony tense his shoulders.

"Yeah."

"Don't forget to come home right after school. I need your help cleaning up before those people from the state come by later." Darry said. Soda grabbed my hand quickly and looked up at Darry.

"They're not thinking about splitting us up, are they, Darry?" He asked. I squeezed his hand. "We're all we've got right now." He started to say but Ponyboy stood up quickly.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" He said, loudly. We all looked up at him, confused. Darry shook his head.

"What is wrong with you?"

"You'd like those people to split us up." Pony was almost yelling. "Then you wouldn't have to worry about anyone except yourself and you could go play some football at some college somewhere and just forget about us!" Darry stood up.

"That is not true!" He said. "I can't believe you'd even think that!" But Ponyboy didn't listen. He ran into the front room and grabbed his backpack off the couch.

"I'm gonna be late." He said. I let go of Soda's hand.

"I should go with him." I said. "It's not safe for him to go out there alone. Besides, he's right, we are going to be late." Soda nodded.

"Let me come with you." He said. I shook my head.

"You don't have your shoes on." I said as Ponyboy slammed the door behind him. "And I don't want to lose him. I'll make sure that he gets to school safe and I'll try to get him to cool down. But I'll see you after." I rushed into the front room. Soda stood up from the table.

"Thanks." He said. "I'll be there to pick you up when school lets out. I'm sorry for getting upset this morning. I'll talk to you later." Darry looked from Soda to me, confused. I nodded.

"It's all right. It was my fault! Be careful at work today!" I said before I dashed after Ponyboy.


	4. Life Happens Too Fast

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

**A/N: I am really enjoying writing this story. I hope y'all are enjoying reading it. I bet you don't know where it's headed. Let's just say, there's going to be a lot of drama. Thank you to those of you who have left reviews. You make my day! Enjoy the next chapter and leave your thoughts. Have a beautiful day!**

**Chapter Four**

We always joked that Ponyboy should have joined the track team when he went to high school-the kid was fast. I walked onto the Curtis' front porch and looked down the street to find him. He was already to the street sign, over 50 feet away. I ran down the stairs quickly. I couldn't lose him. Ponyboy didn't pay attention to anything when he was upset. It drove all of us crazy, but we couldn't say anything to him, or he'd just get more upset. When my foot touched the last step, I realized that I had stepped on the wrong side. The wooden board flew up and I rolled down the front lawn. My knee skidded across the sidewalk and my right wrist and elbow were throbbing from hitting the ground hard. I sat up carefully and looked at my knee. It was bleeding all over my new nylons. I bit my lip. I had saved my money for two months to be able to buy them and with one stupid mistake, they were ruined. The blood was running down the sides of my right leg and there was a huge hole right under my knee.

I stood up and limped back up the front stairs. I looked around quickly to make sure no one had seen me fall. I was glad I didn't scream. I laughed at myself a little. Sometimes I didn't use my head. I watched Pony turn the corner and I knew I wouldn't be able to catch up to him. I just hoped he'd make it to school without running into any nasty Socs. I reached my hand up and knocked on the doorframe. I heard the shuffle of feet and a chair was pulled away from the kitchen table. Soda opened the door.

"Glory!" He said when he saw my knee. "You ain't been gone more'n thirty seconds." I could tell he was trying to keep from laughing. That was Sodapop. He could find the humor in any situation. It drove me crazy sometimes. "What happened to you?" He asked as he let me in. "Darry! Can I get the bandages we use after a rumble, some water and a towel?"

"Why?" Darry asked as he walked into the front room; he was drying his hands on a towel. "What happened? Did the Socs get you? Is Pony okay?" I winced as Soda helped me sit down.

"Everything's fine, Darry." I said. "It wasn't the Socs. I just stepped on the wrong side of the steps. It's not a big deal. Last I saw of him, Pony was just fine." Soda shook his head.

"We gotta fix those stairs, Darry." He said.

"I've been meaning to get to them." Darry said before he went to the bathroom to grab the bandaids. There were a lot of things that Darry meant to get around fixing. The oven handle was coming unscrewed. The toaster kept getting stuck. You had to flush the toilet three times before it would finally work. And there was a hole in the roof that leaked in the hallway when it rained. I looked up at Soda and I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was.

"You've been meaning to get to a lot of things lately." He said under his breath. Then he looked up sharply. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. That sounded awful." Before he could say anything else, Darry came back with the bandages and the towel.

"Let me go get the water for you."

Soda nodded and knelt down next to the couch.

"We've all been kinda moody lately." He said, quietly. "Ponyboy keeps having nightmares about Mom and Dad and I know Darry isn't sleeping either, I can hear him pacing up and down the hallway in the middle of the night. I just can't help but feel like it's all getting worse. You're going to have to take your nylons off before you clean up." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it before I stood up. Soda always changed the subject like that after he told me what he was feeling. He was funny like that.

"Everything is going to be all right." I said. "I promise. Let me go to the bathroom and get these bloody things off. I'll be right back."

The fall was worse than I thought. It didn't take too long to clean up my leg but my right arm was still throbbing. I was afraid that I had broken it but I didn't say anything to Soda. I had to get to school or my dad would kill me. I was sure it would be fine. I probably just hit it a little too hard and it just needed a little more time to feel better. I knew Soda could tell I was lying about my arm but school was going to start in ten minutes and I couldn't be late. I thanked him for helping me and I started to walk out the front door.

"Wait." Soda said. "Let me drive you down there real quick." He reached into the kitchen and grabbed his keys. We walked out to the car together. He opened my door and I got into the front seat. After he had closed his door and started the car, he stopped and looked at me. "Sandy, I've been thinking about what you said earlier." I felt my heart start to beat faster. "And I think you're right about something. My job at the DX isn't enough. It doesn't pay enough to pay all the bills. I wouldn't be able to support a family working there and I want a family, Sandy. I want a family with you. So I'm gonna start looking for a job that will help me do that."

I felt my heart pound out of my chest. Had Soda just said what I thought he said? Did he really want a family with me?

"You want a family with me?" I asked. "You want to marry me?" Soda smiled.

"I want to marry you." He said. "We should wait until you get out of school and I get another job but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm gonna be here for you no matter what. You'll never get rid of me, I love you. Sandy, will you marry me?"

It was crazy. I knew that. Soda and I were only sixteen years old. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say yes. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved Soda. And I wanted him to be happy but everything was happening so fast. I wasn't ready to be engaged. I was only a junior in high school. Who knew what the next year would bring us? But if I didn't say yes, I knew I would lose Soda. I didn't know what to say so I nodded. He smiled even wider and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.

"It's not official or anything." He said. "I don't even got the ring yet. And we don't have to tell anybody. At least not until after you graduate." He looked down at his watch. "Shoot! We'd better step on it. School starts in less than five minutes!" And then it was over. He stepped on the gas and I looked at him. I was engaged, almost. I couldn't believe it. I thought I would feel more excited, happier but all I could feel was that something was wrong. I guess I could tell that something terrible was going to happen. I leaned my head on Soda's shoulder and prayed I was wrong. But I knew I wasn't.


	5. Tom Derby

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders. **

**A/N: Hey, y'all! I hope you're having a fantastic week. Summer is almost here! I've had so much free writing time, it's wonderful! Life is so great! Enjoy this chapter! I love y'all! Tell me what you think! Have a blessed day! **

**Chapter Five**

I got used to a certain sense of belonging, the way I grew up. I had a group of people that I grew up with and that group rarely changed. We looked out for each other all the time, made sure everyone was safe. It was different for the girls than for the guys though. They fought together. They bled for each other. We were just what they came back to, after they returned from the battlefield of Socs and Greasers. That made them a lot closer to each other than to us sometimes. I know it sounds crazy, but I used to be jealous of how often Soda would break off our dates to go rumble with some Socs across town. I understood that they fought for pride and for territory. A lot of the time, the rumbles would be payback for one side jumping a guy from the other. They usually started between two people who just happened to bring their friends along.

Rumbles could get pretty nasty, even if it was just a fair fight. I knew too many guys who died in them. Maybe it was just a guy thing. Because sometimes I'd sit on the Curtis' couch, waiting for the boys to return, with Evie and Sylvia sitting next to me and Ponyboy sitting across from us, just staring-he was too young to fight then- and we would all be biting our fingernails, praying that nothing would go wrong, that everyone would come home and I would think about how I'd never understand it. At times like that, I just wanted to scream at all of them and tell them that it was all so stupid! So pointless. Nothing they did would make a difference. No matter who jumped who walking down the street or who hit on whose girl or who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It didn't matter what they fought about. Nothing changed! Greasers still came home greasers and Socs went home Socs. It was all so useless, I sat there and I felt like I would explode. I just wanted to scream, do anything. What was the point in living, if that was all our lives were about-the neverending fued between Socs and greasers?

The boys always came home bleeding, sometimes with a broken bone or two. Two-Bit was usually smiling but you could see something else in the other's eyes. The adreneline that fueled them before the rumble was gone, leaving a defeated look, even if they won. I could have sworn that they knew that they weren't changing anything by fighting but I think it's all they could do, all they knew how to do.

It made me want to cry.

They were wasting their lives. We were all wasting our lives. And we all knew it.

It just wasn't fair. And I scared myself sometimes when I thought about it. Sometimes I felt like I cared way too much about all of it; the anger built up inside me until I couldn't contain it anymore. At other times, I didn't care about any of it at all and I couldn't even see the point of living.

I still had my head on Soda's shoulder. He was whistling Why Do Fools Fall in Love with a goofy grin on his face. His wheat gold hair was slicked back, but a few pieces fell around his face lazily. I smiled softly and closed my eyes for the rest of the ride, trying to remember why it was all worth it. Soda put one arm around my shoulders and I relaxed, almost.

**...**

I rushed into my first period class. The tardy bell rang just as I sat in my seat. I let out a deep breath. I had made it. My teacher, Ms. Handel, looked over her glasses at me with a disapproving look. I gave her a sheepish smile. She shook her head but didn't say anything, which was more than I could say for Tom Derby, who sat behind me.

Tom and I hated each other. We always had. I'm not sure when it all started. There was just something about him that really creeped me out. When we were back in grade school, he was the leader of the group of bullies that made going to school torture. He scared me more than anything, but I'd never let him see it. I pretended that nothing he did bothered me. I waved away his insults about my clothes and my family. But they really got to me on the inside. I used to give my dad any excuse to let me stay home. He never let me, though. I think he really hated me being around the house. So every day I went to school and faced Tom and his gang. As the years went by, Tom lost his gang to Tim Shepard and his reputation as the toughest guy in school to Dallas Winston. He didn't have much but he could still get under my skin. He leaned over his desk.

"What happened to you?" He whispered in my ear. "You and that boyfriend of yours get a little rough last night?" I felt my muscles tense and I gripped the edge of my desk. I wasn't going to get angry. I wasn't going to say anything. I heard a few boys chuckle behind Tom. "Answer me when I ask you a question." Tom said. I looked up at Ms. Handel. She still sat at her desk. We rarely did anything in her English class. She didn't care enough to teach us. She labeled us all as lost causes and was our babysitter every day from seven-thirty to eight-twenty. I hated her for that. It was no wonder that half of the kids in the class could only read and write at a fifth grade level. No one cared. I watched her turn a page in her book, some steamy romance novel about a sea captain and a stowaway girl. I bit my lip. I knew I wasn't going to get any help from her. I turned around and faced Tom. I didn't say anything, I just stared at him.

I wished that Evie was in the class with me. Sometimes she really bugged me, but she really knew how to handle guys like Tom. She always had a smart reply that left Tom speechless and everyone else laughing until they cried. She seemed so comfortable with herself and everything was a joke to her. Evie was probably my closest friend. I knew everything about her and she knew everything about me. We were always together at school and we hung out after because she dated Steve. Everyone assumed that we were best friends but the funny thing is, we weren't. I can't really explain it, but we just didn't click the way that everyone thought we did. It wasn't Evie's fault, I guess it was mine. People just weren't my thing.

"Are you stupid?" Tom growled. " I asked you a question. Ain't you gonna answer it? You really should." I turned away from him and crossed my legs. My right knee stung a little. I looked right at the front board and tried not to think about anything. But my mind was racing a hundred miles a minute. Tom had the shortest temper of anyone I knew. He was even worse than Dally. And I knew Tom could be violent. He made me watch him and two friends jump Two-Bit once. It's the only time I gave him a reaction. He had two of his older brothers pin my arms against the wall. I remember trying to scream for what seemed like hours. Two-Bit was a good fighter but he hadn't been in shape. I don't think he could have taken all three of them down even if he had been anyway. I hated myself for not being able to help him. I still feel guilty about that sometimes. He was real messed up by the time they were done with him. It's the worst I've ever seen him.

Tom grabbed my right arm and yanked it back toward him. I'm not proud of what happened next. I pride myself on being calm, rational, tough even but when Tom grabbed my arm, I screamed. The room went dead quiet and I could feel twenty pairs of eyes on the back of my neck. I looked up at Ms. Handel but she hadn't even taken her eyes off the page; she must have turned her hearing aids off. Tom was still holding my arm when the vice principal, Mr. Packer, rushed into the room. I tried to pull my arm away from Tom, but it hurt too much.

"Who screamed?" Mr. Packer's shrill voice asked. He stood with his feet spread apart and his fists on his hips. He tried too hard to make every inch of his five foot four build be intimidating. The other kids slumped in their chairs and started to talk to each other. That was the great thing about being a greaser. While you might not get along with anyone in the room, nobody ratted anybody out, especially not to the likes of Mr. Packer. It was a kind of code, I guess, a set of unwritten, unspoken rules that everyone followed and I knew that not even Tom would open his mouth to say anything.

Mr. Packer's face turned red. He stared at Tom first and saw my arm. Tom quickly let go and I pulled it slowly to my side.

"Now, Mr. Derby." He said. "I'd like you to walk with me to the principal's office." Tom stood up angrily and walked to Mr. Packer. Saying no to him would bring the cops into school and nobody wanted that so Tom didn't say anything. But as he left the room, he sent me a look that said, watch your back, I'm coming after you later. And he did.


	6. Filled With Empty Threats?

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders. **

**A/N: Enjoy, y'all! Have a beautiful day and leave your thoughts. Thank you so much to those who have reviewed, you make my day! Love y'all!**

**Chapter Six**

I wasn't always an only child. I guess I'm still not an only child, but it feels like it. I had an older sister. She was about ten years older than I was. Her name was Linda. I remember when I was six or seven, I wanted to be just like her. I looked up to her for everything. She didn't look anything like me, she was beautiful. Her hair was dark and her eyes were almost black. The way she moved was so graceful. I used to practice walking the way she did. I never got it down though. She was my favorite person. She always had time for me. She used to do my hair every Sunday when she took me to church. My dad hated that we went. But Linda didn't care. I think that's part of the reason she went every week. She loved to make him mad. When she was eighteen, she got pregnant. No one knew who the father was. That was the end for Dad. He threw her out and I haven't seen her since. I was eight. Dad won't talk about her. I can't even mention her name around him. I don't know where she is or if she's even alive but I pray every night that she's all right and that maybe she'll come back for me someday. I guess that's why I loved being around the Curtis' and the rest of the gang. They were the family I didn't have. I couldn't imagine my life without any of them.

It worried me when I saw Darry and Ponyboy fight. They were pushing each other away. If they kept going like that, one of them was going to break and just leave. None of us would be able to stand that, especially Soda. He wouldn't know what to do without either of them. They were his whole world. It would break his heart to lose them.

I promised Soda that I'd check on Ponyboy and make sure that he was doing all right but I didn't see him at lunch like I usually did. He was always standing outside in the parking lot with Johnny and Two-Bit but he wasn't there. Neither was Johnny. Two-Bit was just sitting there with a cigarette in his hand. He was shooting a nervous glance around every few seconds, watching out for teachers. I kept walking to the cafeteria. I decided to look for Pony at the end of the day. He was probably just talking to Johnny about what happened. Those two were almost closer than Steve and Soda. Pony was really the only person that Johnny trusted with everything. They were best friends. I hoped they were both okay.

I saw Ponyboy right when school ended. He was walking down the sidewalk alone, bouncing a red ball against the pavement. I took a deep breath and walked up to him slowly. He saw me and gave me a small smile.

"Hey, Sandy." He said quietly. I bit my lower lip. I didn't want to say too much. Ponyboy was pretty open except when it came to talking about his brothers.

"Two-Bit looked pretty worried at lunch today, without you and Johnny to be his look outs." I said, hoping that it was safe ground. Pony nodded and looked past me. He put a hand on my shoulder.

"I've got to go." He said quickly. "But I'll see you later!" He ran away to join Johnny who was just coming out of the front doors of the school. I stood on the sidewalk alone. I furrowed my eyebrows. I'd never seen Pony act like that. I shook my head. He was probably just worried about Johnny.

Johnny Cade was a small boy with dark hair and eyes that showed his every mood if you looked hard enough. He had a really tough home life. He's parents beat on him all the time. He'd been spending more time sleeping in the empty lot or on the Curtis' couch. I'd never really talked to him much. He was pretty quiet, like Ponyboy. Between the two of them, we joked about if they even talked when they were together or if they just sat there. Ponyboy and Soda were always worried about Johnny. He was like another brother to them.

I sat down on the curb and waited for Soda. I tried to keep my right arm as still as I could. It was still killing me. I was sure it was broken. I didn't know what I was going to do. I'd probably just wait out the pain. Dad would kill me if he knew it was broken. We didn't have money to go to the hospital. It was starting to swell a little. I hoped that Soda wouldn't notice it. It wasn't too bad so if I acted like everything was fine, I would probably be okay. I closed my eyes. It had been a long day. I heard someone sit down beside me. I opened my eyes quickly.

Tom Derby was running his hands through his long blond hair. He didn't use a lot of hair grease, just enough to keep his hair out of his face. I moved to stand up but he grabbed my arm and pulled me down. I felt tears sting my eyes.

"It's all your fault." He said. "I'm in big trouble now. You're gonna wish you answered my question. You better stay inside because I'm gonna be looking for you." He squeezed my arm before he stood up. "And tell your boyfriend that goes for him too." He walked away just as Soda pulled up in the truck. I stood up and got in as fast as I could. I was always safe with Soda, almost.


	7. Why We Worry About Johnny

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. **

**A/N: Enjoy the next chapter! Any guesses to what's going to happen next...? I love y'all! Thanks for the reviews! Leave your thoughts at the end of this chapter! Have a wonderful day!**

**Chapter Seven **

I should have seen what was going to happen. I know that now. But I just didn't think that Tom was a threat. He was always saying things that he didn't mean. All bark and no bite, if you know what I mean. I didn't tell Soda what happened. I didn't think I needed to. I can't believe how dumb I was. I didn't use my head and I felt the consequences that night. The car ride from school was pretty quiet. Soda apologized again for getting upset that morning. I told him it was fine. Then I told him about Ponyboy and asked if Johnny was doing okay.

"He just lost a sister." Soda said quietly. "He couldn't protect her from their parents." I looked at Soda. His jaw was clenched with anger and his eyes were hard. He didn't think it was fair that Johnny had to protect his sister from the people who were supposed to protect them from the rest of the world. I felt my heart drop.

"They killed her?" I asked. Soda laughed derisively.

"They might as well have." He said. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel but he didn't say anything else. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Soda slowly let out a deep breath and shook his head.

"They drove her to suicide!" He nearly yelled. "She thought that she wasn't good enough to live anymore. In her note, she wrote that she couldn't take the pain day after day and that she didn't want to get in their way anymore. She didn't want to get in their way!" Soda hit the steering wheel with his fist. "It's just not fair, Sandy! Johnny's been through enough. I don't see why he has to deal with this too! Days like this, I wonder if there is a God watching over any of us. If there is, I don't know what game he's playing! If there is, why doesn't he care?" I slid over to sit close to him and put my left hand on his knee.

"Soda." I said. And I paused. I agreed with him. God didn't seem to care about greasers, if he was even real. I used to believe that he was, when Linda was with me. But the past ten years had filled my mind with doubt. The only thing I had left of Linda was her bible. I read it sometimes, when I wanted to remember her. Maybe that wasn't the right reason to open it but it's the only reason I had. I squeezed Soda's leg. I wished I could think of something to say to comfort him. I remembered something that Linda had highlighted in her bible. "For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried." I said.

"Where'd you get that?" Soda asked. I shrugged.

"I read it in Linda's bible." I said. "I don't remember where."

"What's it mean?" He asked. I opened my mouth but I stopped. What did it mean? Did it mean that we were suffering because this was all just a big test to see who could stand the most pain? What about the Socs? They certainly didn't seem to have any of the troubles we did. I shook my head.

"I think it means that God lets stuff like this happen so we can get stronger, I guess. I don't really know." I said.

"Do you believe that?" Soda asked.

"I don't know."

We didn't talk for the rest of the ride back to his house. I left my hand on his leg. He was thinking about what I said. So was I and by the time we pulled up to the house, I was tired of thinking again. Soda pulled the keys out of the ignition but he didn't move. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. He smiled and looked over at me. My stomach jumped.

"I hope Darry left some of that chocolate cake for us." He said before he grabbed my hand in his. "We could all use some right now." I nodded and we climbed out of the truck. I was careful to walk on the left side of him, so when he held my hand, it wouldn't hurt. I rubbed my right arm quickly and hoped he didn't notice. He really didn't need anything else to worry about anyway. It would get better eventually. When I put my hand back down by my side, he grabbed it and grinned from ear to ear. "Everything is going to be fine." He said.

"Of course it is." I said as the front door swung open.

"Look at the two lovebirds. It's enough to make me sick." A harsh voice said. "You still dating that trash, Sodapop?"

Dallas Winston.

Dally sure was a character. I can't really describe him. He was one of the only boys I knew who didn't grease his hair; he just let it flow back and kick out in tufts in the front. His ears were pointed, kinda like a lynx, Pony would say. And his eyes were dangerous. He was from New York. I heard that he got thrown in jail for the first time when he was ten years old. Maybe that's why his eyes and his voice were so angry.

Soda let go of my hand and ran up the steps to greet Dallas. They walked into the house together, talking about a rumble between Tim Shepard's gang and the Socs. The screen door slammed in my face. I took in a deep breath and decided to sit by myself on the steps for a few minutes. I hated hearing the boys talk about their fights. I hated fighting. I heard a train whistle sound not too far away and I closed my eyes. I felt a pain right below my heart. At that moment, more than ever, I wanted to leave Tulsa. I wanted to jump on one of those train cars and leave it all behind me. I wanted to find a place where life wouldn't be so hard. The train whistle faded and the screen door squeaked open and slammed behind me. Soda sat down on my right and the feelings faded away too, almost.

"What are you thinking about out here?" He said.

"Nothing important." I said and I smiled at him. "I guess I just didn't feel up to hearing more of your war stories." Soda laughed.

"I know, I'm tired of it sometimes too." He said. "But Dallas." He paused. "Dallas lives for the rumbles. It's the only way he can get back at everyone who's ever done him wrong."

"I know."

"Come on," Soda said. "Don't worry about it, about any of it. Everything is going to be fine. I promise." He crossed his heart with his finger. "Just think about how happy we're going to be in a year and a half, when we get married. We'll have a white picket fence somewhere in the country with a ton of dogs and a horse named Mickey Mouse. It's going to be perfect. Just think about that." He reached for my hand and pulled it toward him.

"Ow!" I screamed before I could stop myself. Soda looked at my arm for a minute.

"Is this still bothering you from this morning?" He asked. I nodded.

"I think it's broken."

"Glory hallelujah!" He said. "Why didn't you tell me that your arm still hurt? Look at it, it's starting to swell. When you didn't say anything, I assumed it was fine. I thought you would have told me if it was still bothering you. I mean, it's not that hard, it goes like this, 'Soda, remember how I fell on my arm this morning? Of course you do. Well, I think it's broken.' It's not that hard! Glory! Get back in the car!" He grabbed my left arm and helped me stand up. "Why didn't you just tell me?" We marched back to the truck. He closed the door after me. He was still shaking his head. "And now it's probably worse than it was. Don't you ever use your head?"

The words hit me hard. I had heard them before, but never from Soda. He was always the one who told me not to worry about those other people who put me down. I felt tears rush to my eyes and I couldn't help feeling stupid. He was just worried, I knew that, but the words still stung.

"I didn't mean it like that, Sandy." He said softly, when he saw the tears. "Glory, that sounded awful didn't it. I can't believe I just said that to you. I was just frustrated that you were just going to sit there and not do anything about an arm that's probably broken. I just don't want you to get hurt. I love you, Sandy and I'm sorry." I blinked back my tears.

"I don't know what I'm going to tell Dad. We don't have the money to-" I said. "That's why I didn't say anything. And you have so much to worry about. I didn't want to add to that." Soda laughed.

"That's it?" He said. "Don't worry about me! I'll be fine. I promise. You're more important to me than any of it. I'll always be there to help you, okay? And don't worry about your dad, either. Let's just get you to the hospital." He smiled and put one arm around my waist. I put my head on his shoulder and that's when I knew that Sodapop Curtis would always be there for me. And he was, almost.

...

**A/N: Review it for Johnny! :) I had to say it just once. Lova ya! **


	8. Elvis

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders. **

**A/N: Enjoy the next chapter! All the drama begins now! Thank y'all for being patient with me! I love you guys! Don't forget to review! Have a wonderful day!**

**Chapter Eight**

I watched Soda pull his wallet out of his back pocket. He looked at the receipt the nurse gave him and solemnly counted out the bills. I put my hand on his arm.

"Are you sure you can afford this?" I asked. Soda turned to face me and right then I knew that he couldn't, not really. He had two brothers depending on him to make ends meet. He didn't have extra money to throw around for my sake. I pulled my hand back and rubbed my arm that was now in a sling. At least my arm hadn't been broken. I would never have let Soda pay for a cast. I looked into his golden eyes and he smiled.

"Of course I can." He said. "Don't worry about it. It's our fault anyway; you never would've tripped if our stairs weren't broken. It's the least I can do for you-I'd do more too, if I could-I want to take care of you, so don't worry about the money, okay?" I smiled softly. Soda always knew what to say to calm me down, almost. I still felt a little uneasy. How was I going to explain the sling to Dad? I knew he would ask questions and he knew that I didn't have the money to pay for it. He didn't like that I spent so much money with Soda already, I didn't know how he would take the news that I was starting to look to Soda to pay for things. "Don't worry." Soda said, again. I nodded and watched as he handed his money to the nurse and signed a few papers.

"Wear your sling every day for the next three weeks, doctor's orders." The nurse said before we turned away from her desk. Something about her voice reminded me of Linda. I looked down at her name-tag quickly. Amanda Jacobs. My heart sank and I chided myself for being so stupid. I always got my hopes up for nothing. I knew it would never be my sister. Linda was gone and I was just going to have to accept that.

Soda grabbed my hand as we left the hospital.

"Let's go home." He said. "Is it okay if we stop by my place first? I want to check on Johnnycake and Pony before I have to pick Darry up from work." Sodapop had Darry's truck every Friday since he got off work a few hours earlier than him. So every Friday at five forty-seven, he headed down to the yard to pick up his brother, who got off at six. Soda said he liked having a few minutes alone to think every week. It helped him relax. He sang Elvis songs off-key and mixed up all the words. I'd never met anyone who liked Elvis as much as Soda did.

"That's fine." I said. "I ain't in any rush to get home anyway." Soda nodded. We walked halfway to the car in silence when Soda suddenly let go of my hand and started singing Heartbreak Hotel with his best Elvis impersonation, swinging hips and all. He had his hand up to his mouth like he was holding a microphone. I looked around us. Several people stopped walking to watch us. Others sped by with their eyes on us the whole time. I felt my face go red. One woman had a look of disgust plastered on her face. I could feel her anger and her judgement. She wore a nice dress suit. It was a brilliant pink and it matched her nails, shoes and purse perfectly. She was clutching her purse close to her chest with one hand and with the other, she was fussing with the blond beehive piled on top of her head. As she passed us, she moved both of her hands to her purse and stared at us, like she thought that one of us would just reach out and rip the purse from her. I felt the anger grow inside me and I wanted to scream at her, at everyone who was watching us. Then, my eyes turned back to Soda.

He had his eyes wide open and he was smiling broadly as he sang. He was even waving at some of the people who passed us. When he couldn't remember the words, he just laughed and added in "doo-ba" and "la-loo." He didn't care what the people around us thought. I looked around again and saw a few people who I hadn't seen before. They were standing on the pavement and they were clapping in time with Soda's voice. I even caught one or two of them singing. Soda smiled even wider and grabbed my hand.

"I'm feeling so lonely, I could die." He sang and the song ended. Soda laughed when a group of people clapped for his performance. He gave them a deep bow and laughed again. I began to smile. We started walking to the car again and I watched Soda walk beside me. He was the most amazing person I had ever known. He saw the world in a different way. Life was beautiful to him and he took every opportunity to laugh and have fun. He didn't care what other people thought of him, he always did just what he wanted and let people think what they would. He was still smiling. He turned to me and caught me staring. He grabbed my hand again.

"See, Sandy." He said. "Sometimes you just got to relax and let go. Forget about what other people think of you. If I can sing Elvis on the street in front of a bunch of strangers, you can talk to your dad about the sling. He might get mad, like a few people you saw. But maybe he'll take it better than you think. I know he cares about you and he doesn't want you to get hurt. And I'm here for you, no matter what he says." I knew exactly how Dad would take it. He would see what Soda did as charity. And Dad hated charity. He always said that he would never take what he didn't deserve from anybody. He didn't understand that friends did things for each other and he didn't understand that Soda and I took care of each other. I could feel a knot growing in my stomach. Soda squeezed my hand and my thoughts turned back to him. I laughed. Only Sodapop would sing in public to prove a point to me. I laughed again.

"Thanks, Soda. I love you."

"I love you too."

We sang Elvis songs all the way to his house.

...

Ponyboy was sprawled out on the floor when we walked into the front room.

"Glory, kid!" Soda said. "Are you okay?" Ponyboy slowly sat up. His eyes looked red, like he'd been crying. He rubbed his nose with the back of his hand and nodded.

"I'm fine, Soda." He said. "I'm just worried about Johnny, is all. I don't know how he can stand it, I know I couldn't. Oh, Soda, I'm so confused. I'm so sad about Emily and I'm so angry at her parents! And I just want to stop them from hurting Johnny and the rest of his siblings! Soda, it's just not fair! I don't know what to do anymore! I don't know how to help him. He says he's fine, but I don't know if I believe him. He's got to feel something." Tears started to slide down his face. "I'm sorry for being such a bawl-baby about this, but Johnny's my best friend and I'm just scared to death that we're gonna lose him too, like we lost Em." Soda sat down by his brother on the floor and pulled him into a hug.

"Don't you worry about anything." He said. "Everything is going to turn out fine. I promise. I'm worried about Johnnycake too. I'm angry at his folks for being so stupid and careless! But we're not going to lose him! He's got all of us and he knows that we'll be here to help him, no matter what happens. He knows that we wouldn't know what to do without him. Don't cry, Pony. Everything is going to be okay." I watched them together and I felt like a stranger. I realized that I wouldn't ever have moments like that with my sister. I didn't have someone who would tell me that everything was going to be okay and make a bunch of empty promises to make everything feel better. I watched Soda comfort his little brother for a few more moments before I turned away and headed for the door, to sit on the front steps until Soda was ready to take me home. I had only taken one step when I heard a voice behind me.

"Wait, Sandy." Pony said. "Don't leave. I'll be okay now." He stood up quickly and accidentally knocked Soda over. Soda got up and stood next to Ponyboy.

"I really should be getting you home, Sandy." He said. Then he gave Pony one more hug. "You sure you're gonna be all right, kid?" He asked. Ponyboy nodded.

"Yeah. I'll just cut me a big slice of that chocolate cake and I'll be just fine." He said. Soda and I laughed and headed out the door. We piled into the truck again. Soda sighed as he shifted it in gear.

"I'm getting tired of getting in and out of this thing so much." He said. I felt a pang of guilt. It was my fault we had used the car so much but when I looked over at him, he was smiling.

...

Dad's car was already parked outside the house when I got home. I waved goodbye to Sodapop and watched him drive off before I opened the front gate and headed inside. I could feel the knot growing in my stomach again. I rubbed my right arm and prayed that Dad would be in a good mood. The walk up to the door was the longest of my life. Every step I took didn't seem to get me anywhere. After what seemed like a lifetime, I reached out and turned the doorknob.

Dad sat on the couch in front of the TV. It was blaring his favorite show, Bonanza. His eyes were glued to the screen and had a beer in his left hand. I closed the door softly and hoped that I could just slip up the stairs to my room without bothering him.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked. I turned to face him and he stood up quickly. "Why are you wearing a sling?" He shouted. "What happened? Who paid for it?" I looked in his eyes.

"I tripped on the Curtis' steps this morning. It's not broken, I just twisted my elbow and sprained my wrist." I said.

"Who paid for it?" He repeated. I stared down at my shoes.

"Sodapop." As soon as I said it, I knew what was coming. I could feel his rage. His eyes were hard and he took in a deep breath before he yelled.

"I knew it!" Dad roared. "You just had to take his money! You spend too much time with that boy. You're just like your sister. She stayed out all the time with her boyfriend too. Can't you see that all he wants from you is to get you in his bed? You're gonna end up on the streets too! You'll be just like Linda, isn't that what you've always wanted? You'll be stuck with a baby and no way to provide for it! Do you think your 'Sodapop' is going to stick around when he finds out about it? Of course he won't! You'll be all alone and you won't get any help from me! Just get out of here!" When Dad had finished yelling, he sat down heavily on the couch. He put a hand over his eyes. I could hear him start to sob. I had never seen Dad cry before, not even after Linda left. It scared me more than his yelling did and I ran out of the house quickly.

I needed to find Soda. But I found Ponyboy first.


End file.
